Years ago, I wrote a story called Stinging Worms for Chicken Soup for the Country Soul. I’ve told the story plenty of times since then, but recently it came back to me because I couldn’t stop thinking about how closely it relates to mentoring boys in today’s culture.
Our boys are growing up surrounded by messages and influences they don’t always understand. They see things on their phones, computers, television, social media, and through their friends. Some of those things may look harmless, even fun, but they can have consequences a boy simply isn’t old enough or mature enough to recognize yet. That’s one of the reasons boys need good men in their lives.
The Story of the “Stinging Worms”
The story goes something like this. A couple of guys were fishing a bass tournament. They had the boat, trolling motor, electronics, rods, plastics; all the equipment you could want, but they weren’t catching anything.
They pulled into a cove and noticed a young boy, maybe ten years old, sitting in a little aluminum johnboat tied off near a stump, and this kid was catching bass. One after another.
Finally, the fishermen couldn’t stand it anymore. They eased over and asked him what he was using. “Stinging worms,” he told them. They had never heard of stinging worms, so they asked to see them. The boy handed them his bait can, and when they looked inside, they realized those weren’t worms. They were baby rattlesnakes!
The boy had found them under a log and had been picking them up with his bare hands and using them for bait. His hands were already bitten and beginning to swell. He had no idea how much danger he was in. Thankfully, those men recognized what was happening and got him the help he needed.
Sometimes Boys Don’t Know What’s Hurting Them
That’s the part of the story I keep coming back to. The boy wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt himself. As far as he knew, those “stinging worms” worked. He was catching fish.
He simply didn’t understand the danger.
I think about how many boys today are doing the same thing in different ways. They’re taking in messages about manhood, relationships, women, sex, success, their bodies, their identity, and what supposedly makes a man valuable. Some of those messages are coming from a device sitting right in the palm of their hand.
A boy may see something over and over until he assumes it must be normal. He may not understand how what he watches today can shape the way he thinks tomorrow. He may not recognize how unhealthy habits can affect his future relationships, marriage, faith, health, or view of himself. When we’re mentoring boys in today’s culture, we can’t assume they already know the difference. They need somebody to help them see it.
Boys Need More Than Someone Telling Them What Not to Do
Our job as men isn’t simply to stand over boys and give them a list of rules. One of the greatest gifts we can give a young man is a healthy example of what manhood looks like. They’re watching us.
They notice how we talk. They see whether we’re patient or constantly aggravated. They watch how we respond when somebody gets under our skin. They notice how we treat our wives, our families, other men, and them.
They see whether we take care of ourselves. They notice whether our faith is something we talk about on Saturday morning or something we actually live. Yes, I want us to give boys strong, masculine examples, but we also have to ask ourselves: What message is my life giving these boys?
Before a boy listens to what we say, he’s probably already been watching what we do.
We Have to Be Willing to Talk About the Hard Things
Mentoring boys in today’s culture also means we can’t be afraid of difficult conversations.
Pornography is one of those conversations. Boys today can be exposed to explicit material at an incredibly young age, often before they have the maturity to understand what they’re seeing. Those images can distort their understanding of women, sex, relationships, and eventually marriage. We can’t pretend it isn’t happening because the conversation makes us uncomfortable.
If you’re a KOZ leader and you don’t know how to approach that conversation with your boys, ask for help. Talk with another experienced leader or contact the KOZ office. We can help connect you with men who have walked through those conversations and point you toward resources.
The same goes for conversations about physical health, exercise, relationships, work, responsibility, and other areas of life. We aren’t going to have every answer, but we can be willing to show up and talk.
Get to Know the Boy in Front of You
I recently had a mom call me because she was worried about her 16-year-old son. School wasn’t going well. He wasn’t interested in it, he was failing, and all he really wanted to do was work.
I asked her a question: Is this a hill you want to die on?
Not every boy is going to be a straight-A student. Boys aren’t all wired the same way. Some thrive in a classroom, while others come alive when they’re building something, fixing something, welding, working with their hands, or learning a trade. That doesn’t mean we don’t have expectations for boys. We absolutely should. But it does mean we need to learn to read the boy.
What is going on inside him? What is he good at? What motivates him? Where is he struggling? What does he need from us right now? We can’t answer those questions if we don’t know him.
Relationship Comes Before Influence
That’s one of the things I love about Kids Outdoor Zone. Fishing, hunting, archery, camping, campfires, tools, and outdoor adventure give us a place to start. Boys want to do those things, and those activities give men and boys a reason to spend time together. But the activity isn’t the end goal, the relationship is.
Around a campfire, sitting in a fishing boat, walking through the woods, working on a project, or closing out a KOZ Saturday at the Sit Spot, conversations begin to happen. Trust gets built, a boy starts talking, and eventually, you may earn the opportunity to speak into something much bigger than whatever activity brought him there. That’s why showing up matters so much.
Share Christ in a Way a Boy Can Understand
Ultimately, what our boys need most isn’t just better advice, they need Jesus. But even there, we need to think about how we’re communicating with them. Are we simply talking at boys about Christ, or are we helping them understand biblical truth in a way they can take into their hearts and their everyday lives?
At KOZ, that’s why we connect Scripture to what we’re doing. A lesson learned outdoors can become an opportunity to talk about character, courage, integrity, responsibility, forgiveness, or faith. We’re planting seeds. We may not always see what happens with those seeds immediately. But when biblical truth comes through a trusted relationship with a man who consistently shows up, it can stick with a boy for years.
You May Be the Man Who Helps Him See the Danger
There are boys all around us holding their own version of “stinging worms.” They may not know they’re dangerous, they may not understand what they’re doing to themselves and they may not have a father at home helping them recognize the difference between what looks good and what actually is good. That’s where we come in.
We can show them another way. We can model healthy manhood, we can have the difficult conversations, we can teach them practical skills, and we can point them toward Jesus.
But first, we have to be there. You’ve got to be with the boys. You’ve got to know the boys to get there.
If you’re already serving as a KOZ leader, keep showing up. Those Saturdays matter more than you may ever know. And if your church doesn’t have Kids Outdoor Zone yet, I encourage you to learn more about starting a KOZ group and giving the men in your church an opportunity to invest in boys through outdoor adventure and Christ-centered mentorship.
There are boys who need a good man in their corner. Let’s go find them.
Regulators, mount up.
— TJ Greaney
Founder, Kids Outdoor Zone
Ready to get started? Learn how to start a KOZ group at your church today. https://www.kidsoutdoorzone.com/groupstartdetails
Watch This Week’s KOZ Raw
