Open Range 2024 | All HTL Outdoor Event

Urinal Struggle with That, The Locker Room

If you have ever read my writings you know I have never been a big sports guy. The locker room is a foreign place for me. I didn’t grow up showering and changing with the team. I never had a locker in the gym. The male comradery, towel popping and other guy, team, player stuff are things I know little about. To be completely honest, they scare me.

In Jr. high school I refused to dress out in PE. I was embarrassed for some reason. I confused and exasperated them so much they bought a set of horseshoes to try and get me and a few others to just do something, anything. It was boring, I didn’t do it.

Well into adulthood I was the guy who had a hard time peeing at a urinal and would actually skip relieving myself if that was the only option. Brutal confession and if it takes a few of my man points away then so be it.

In my mind there are a lot of things that defined me or shaped me along the way. I made a lot of agreements with myself and Satan that took me out of the game, some still do. One reason it stuck with me so long was because I had no one to teach me how to filter that stuff. I didn’t have anyone who would listen and give me feedback. For me the only option was to agree with it or bury it.

A lot of guys still do that. We struggle with things that don’t make us who we are. We struggle so badly with the lies the evil one has us convinced are true about us. Brothers, they are not. I may not be a football or basketball guy. I can like it, but I’m not going down court and elbowing you in the head. I am not going to slam you against the wall in the hockey ring and break you teeth out. Not that I don’t love the games and watch them but I am not giving you a wedgy.

Today I am committed to meeting with men, tearing down the walls, working to live a life free of the lies and agreements I have. I want to be strong in my faith and strong for my faith. If you think this makes me weak, so be it. I think confessing our struggles is a lot harder than most things a man does to cover-up the hurts or fill the gaps. It is easier for far too many men to stay late at work, click on porn or live in a fantasy about the girl at the office than it is to hold your wife’s hands and pray or talk with your daughter about boys. It’s harder to commit to helping at church or a KOZ group than spending all day Saturday watching sports or any number of other things we do to avoid what really matters.

His miseries are his ally; they urge him on. Let them grow, if need be. But do not forsake the secret of life; do not despise those kingly desires. We abandon the most important journey of our lives when we abandon desire. We leave our hearts by the side of the road and head off in the direction of fitting in, getting by, being productive, what have you. Whatever we might gain – money, position, the approval of others, or just absence of the discontent self – it’s not worth it.” ? John Eldredge, The Journey of Desire: Searching for the Life We Always Dreamed of

Men part of our responsibility on this planet is to raise the boys to follow us as real men. Raise boys to be powerful and not who we were told we were but who God says we all are. Warriors. We fight for God, family, community. We battle for good and right and truth. We stand up for the oppressed and the lost, the widows and the orphans. It is who we were made to be. It is core. If you are not in the battle you are dying. Step in, step up, join, be a part of, you can do this, you are perfectly made for His works, just ask Him.

Godspeed Boanerges,


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