No sooner the comment left my lips I knew I was in trouble. My lack of forethought is amazing. I can say the dumbest things at exactly the right moment that shows everyone, or at least the Mrs., just how dumb I really am.
Then it is the look. Oh that dreaded look. I can feel it burning the back of my neck if I am facing away, if I look up and connect with the “look” directly, wham, I’m down. It must be close to what an MMA fighter feels when they are picked up and body slammed. Any guy married or with a girl friend of any length knows “the look.” It is when you say something your wife or girlfriend completely disagrees with. It is probably something she has asked you not to talk about or you know she is against already. Can we be dumb on purpose?
Take my ability to dissect and diagnose all the problems her friends have. I have it mastered. I can listen to just a few seconds of the problems they are having, my wife does not even have to finish her sentence, before I begin to “help” her understand what they are doing wrong and how she could help them. That my friends gets me the eye. The glaring, piercing straight into the eyes look. I try to keep my tough exterior standing at that moment but inside, the puppy is whining, he knew he done messed up.
Now I know this is a total flaw in my character. It is something I am praying into and trying so hard to not do. It can be hard to break old habits.
In the book of Luke, chapter 22:60, I am captivated by the account. In this short, few minutes described, the apostle Peter experiences what must have taken him out at the knees. Jesus is in the custody of the soldiers. He is being beaten and mistreated, harassed and spit on. Peter has followed them as they brought Him into the city. Twice already he had denied knowing Jesus to keep from being captured and taken away himself. But it is here, the third time he is recognized that I am moved to an almost breathless state.
Peter is again recognized but tells the man accusing him of being one of the followers, “I am not.” Then just at that moment, he looks up and across the courtyard his, eyes meet Jesus eyes. These two dear friends in the depth of turmoil, pain, confusion, see each other. Eye to eye. Peter realizes what Jesus said to him just a few hours before, that he would deny Him three times before sunrise. Peter had repudiated it could happen, “me, the most ardent, caring, strongest of your followers, no way.” The rooster crows and Peter breaks. Luke 22:62, And he went outside and wept bitterly.
So often I tell the men doing KOZ to look into the eyes of the kids they are mentoring, it will tell them volumes, it will show them the hurts and confusion in their hearts. So often I see in the eyes of my kids how I have missed the mark. What I need to work on is going back to them, quickly, and ask for forgiveness.
When it come to the Mrs., well that is another whole project. I seem to have the hardest time here. I lived a life without Jesus a long time and ignoring truth was easier. Today I know in my heart when I have been hurtful or neglectful almost right away. I can’t be who I was because I am not who I was. Luckily for me she is also the patient one and loves me despite my largemouth and small brain. Jesus came back and forgave Peter as He does me over and over. He loves us unconditionally. He is incredible and I am blessed.